Why bother with Shaquille O’Neal?

That’s my question for, well, pretty much anybody. But this week, that query gets pointed directly at the Phoenix Suns center’s latest two victims, Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors and Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy.

That duo already has enough to worry about, with the former trying to make this season the least bit respectable, and Van Gundy attempting to catch the Cleveland Cavaliers and Boston Celtics for the all-important No. 1 seed. Now, they challenged the Big Diesel only to get embarrassed all over television, newspapers and the World Wide Web.

After a 133-113 beatdown at the hands of the Suns last Friday, you’d think Bosh would be trying to figure out how his front court yielded 45 points to a player who turns 37 tomorrow. Bosh did just that while talking to reporters, but chalked Shaq’s big game up to his taking advantage of negligent referees and “just camping down in the lane.”

Bosh might be one of the most exciting young players of today’s NBA, but he must not be a very smart one. Two days after his comments, he got served with THIS, Shaqtus-style:

“I heard what Chris Bosh said, and that’s strong words coming from the RuPaul of big men ... I’m going to do the same thing [in their next meeting] I did before -- make him quit. Make ‘em quit and complain. It’s what I do.”

After the laughter wears off (yeah, like that’ll happen anytime soon), it’s important to really analyze this comment. For everything Bosh has accomplished in his five-plus seasons in the league, including multiple all-star appearances and becoming a top-ten scorer, O’Neal reduced him to an over-zealous drag queen — not a typical or respectable description of any professional ball player.

Don’t be surprised if the new moniker follows Bosh to arenas across the Association.

For Van Gundy’s part, the former Heat and Shaq coach poked fun at the big man for taking an obvious flop during his team’s 111-99 defeat of the Suns Tuesday, even though O’Neal chided others for doing the same throughout his career. Specifically, he challenged Shaq to “stand up and play like men.”

You already know what’s coming next — paragraphs and paragraphs that will leave a lasting impression on fans and league members who latch onto O’neal’s every word:

“... As I fell, I realized that it was a flop and it reminded me of Coach Van Gundy’s whole coaching career. The one thing I despise is a frontrunner. First of all, none of his players like him. When it gets tough, he will become the master of panic like he did before and he will quit like he did before. I see him (Dwight Howard) and Stan complaining the whole game because they have to. I’ve done more than him, his brother and Patrick Ewing. Stan Van Gundy reminds me of a broke navigational system. He knows everything about everything but ain’t never been nowhere ... We’ll see when the playoffs start and he (expletive) panics and quits like he did when he was here ...”

So, today’s lesson? Don’t talk smack about Shaq. Actually, that’s an old lesson. Maybe now more NBAers will pay attention.

-- Brandon C. Baker
Photo: The Associated Press